The mental health recovery paradox

The great thing about mental health is that you can do something about it. The worst thing about mental health is that only you can do something about it.

I came across this paradox time and time again during my struggle with my mental health. I knew I could do something about it, I knew that I could get better and that life didn’t have to be like this forever. In fact I knew that one day I would feel like myself again.

But I didn’t know when and I definitely didn’t know how.

Mental health issues, in whichever form they might appear, often cause symptoms including lack of motivation, feeling hopeless and that other people are against you. Not only this, but the way mental health issues manifest themselves — whether that’s through a form of self-harm, problems with eating, behavioural tendencies, addictions — these manifestations are serving some sort of purpose. It might be providing a sense of control, an outlet for pain, a means of escape.

So people who are struggling with their mental health are not only experiencing an internal battle with their emotions, but are also struggling with that part of their brain that is taken over and controlled by the mental illness, that part that wants these behaviours to continue.

That combination makes positive change very difficult. Especially when, really, you are the only one who can make a change.

Recognising this during my recovery was really important. Because it meant that I couldn’t sit and wait for my mind to be ready. Instead, I knew I had to force it to be ready. Despite the cruel contradiction, the impossible dilemma, the feelings that were so difficult to process and understand, I knew I had to start getting better first and then maybe my mind would catch up.

And that’s why knowing that only you can do something about your mental health is also a great power.

I don’t have all the answers, no one does. But when I realised I had to start the work before it even felt possible, things started to click for me. Specifically for me, eating more meant my brain was able to think more rationally and my body was able to perform processes outside of those within simple survival mode. But I believe whatever issues you are facing, working hard on tackling how it manifests will, in turn, tackle the issue itself.

And you have to work hard. Despite not having the motivation, despite feeling like no effort will make a difference, despite a part of you wanting to hold on to your mental illness, you have to work hard. You have to put in the time and the effort — reading books on mindfulness techniques, going to therapy, journaling, or perhaps more difficult behavioural changes. Eventually your mind will catch up. Eventually your brain will become filled with enough good energy from your efforts that the tiny but toxic part of your brain becomes clouded over, the voice gets drowned out.

I think the fact it’s down to you and it takes hard work it’s difficult to admit… because ultimately it means your mental health is your own responsibility. That doesn’t mean your mental health issues are your fault, and it doesn’t mean you can’t get help. There is support out there, most methods of tackling this challenge involve utilising resources and services around you. But you have to put in the work. And if you’re struggling I really hope that, despite this awful paradox, there’s a part of you that wants to get better enough to start trying.